Passport Renewal

Not that we are going anywhere, but our passports needed renewal because we had run out of blank pages. How do you like that? We had been to so many places that required a stamp, that we didn’t have enough pages if we travelled again.

Sadly, I had to send in the passport to get a new one. I didn’t make a copy of the pages to remind me where I have been. I can remember, but who knows for how long. And, at 76, this is probably my last passport. Perhaps they will return it and I will have to rely on my fading memory.

But the best thing was making the photos, pictured above to use. They provide a list of requirements: size, color, pose, lighting, background, expression, attire. They also provide a crop tool.

To fill out the application on your computer, you need Adobe Acrobat. I downloaded it, gave them a credit card, and got a clean copy so no-one could complain about my handwriting. Today, I will have to cancel my 7 day trial (why doesn’t AARP have a discount for this?).

I used my studio lights and a white backdrop. Printed on my semi-professional printer. Cut on a paper cutter and used an exacto blade on the edges. The final results will be mailed to the Government and copies stored in my portfolio.

This saved me no money, because …. But it did save me a trip to UPS or Staples or a photog. Now, I just have to deal with the anxiety of having my pictures rejected for some technical reason like the wrong size, expression, lighting or clothing.

Lorin Duckman, 76



So, here I am, alive at 76. Complicated year health wise, not all resolved. Travelled extensively. Made a few new friends. Kept old enemies. Still no family on my side. Won’t reconcile with any.

Improved creatively. Read a lot. Saw some movies. Learned a few things, but no new tricks. Overall, a good enough year to make me want more.

Gotta live with the hand dealt with. No reformation or rehabilitation on the horizon. Nothing I can do to help anyone or myself.

Just need to stay fresh and interesting enough for Sharon. We all know what a headache I can be. Then we both will deal with aging and our end game.

 

Argus

So, last night Argus visited me during sleep. He never closes his eyes, looking into the future and remembering the past. Both for me seem pretty scary.

I have never gained control over the remnants of my past trauma or regained any sense I had control over the smashup that stole my career and adulthood. Even my understanding wife has had a tough time living with it. So it goes.

The future remains dim, too, now that I face a multitude of physical problems: blood, skin and spine being the most pressing. But I forage on, trying as I might try to live in the present, always valueing what I have, rather than what I lost which will never again be within my reach. No more dreams or long range plans.

Florida is the kind of place where many leave behind their real lives.

 

Chuck Close, Dead at 81

 

Chuck Close died. He made art, lived a life that challenged his body and his mind, and lost the battle of the sexes. His sexually charged comments to some of his models led to the cancellation of a major retrospective and probably some lawsuits. Our loss.

What is the matter with these women? Their puritanical views deprived us of seeing his works and deprived him of us showing him our respect. Can you imagine Manet’s or Cezanne’s models complaining? How about Rueben’s models for the “Rape of the Sabine Women“?

Boca Museum Reopens

 

We went to the early opening for members, but the power was out due to a thunder storm. Felt normal being able to visit a cultural institution in the midst of Corona and Black Lives Matter. We even dressed for the date.


We returned the next day. Only a few people present. Museum show featured Self-Portraits from the National Gallery and prints by Steichen. We dressed again.

I got to see a Chuck Close, one of my favorites and pose with him. Too complicated to explain here.

But Steichen will always be the start, the greatest portraitist of the 20th Century. He invented it. Here is a self-portrait where he photographs himself as a painter. He preferred photography and destroyed many of his paintings.

 

 

 

 

What Now

Now what? I always wanted to make a contribution. Now, all I can do is survive. Can’t go out. Cannot volunteer. Don’t have all that much money to donate. I just have to not get sick, er sicker. I have been reading and writing, wondering what the meaning of life is. A lifetime learner, what will my knowledge mean to anyone other than me?